In today's social media, the comparison of millennials and zoomers can take place both at the level of memes and at the level of deep discussions about the difference in worldviews. While millenials grew up in the turbulent nineties and learned to build an identity around career success, zoomers were formed in a completely digital world. We asked Treatfield psychotherapists whether the generational divide makes sense at all, and how clients' different cultural and technological backgrounds affect their attitudes towards work, relationships, loneliness and the figure of the therapist.
Psychotherapist Olena Bielova
Does the current popular division into generations (millennials, zoomers) make sense from a psychological point of view? Is there really a difference in worldview, behavior, and specific problems? Where do so many memes and jokes about the characteristics of millennials and zoomers come from — and which of them can be considered true?
I want to start with a thought that both millennials and zoomers are first of all people, and all people, regardless of their year of birth, have one thing in common — the desire to find their way. The only difference is in the conditions, environment, and sociocultural background that influenced personal development.
To be precise, millennials (Generation Y) are generally considered to be people born between 1981 and 1996. There is a meme that millennials are those people who unquestioningly obeyed their parents, and now unquestioningly obey their children. The so-called “buffer generation”, which was raised mostly by authoritarian parents, without much right to their own opinion, ignored emotional needs, shortages, both material and psychological, and in adulthood they are trying to change the family scenario regarding their own children — they are squeezed between two polar options for upbringing and interaction, which is why millennials are also called the “sandwich generation”. The first generation that drew attention to the value and importance of mental health, moved from the statement “only crazy people go to psychologists” to “it’s normal to take care of your mental health”. Millennials know everything about survival in difficult conditions from their own experience. Therefore, they are highly productive, can work to exhaustion, are hyper-responsible for everyone and everything, and strive for an ideal result. Their search for themselves occurs through professional and social achievements, millennials are more often focused on external assessment and recognition. The flip side is toxic perfectionism, which either prevents them from action or becomes a driver of endless improvement and the pursuit of the impossible, to one's own fatigue. Stress is most often expressed in professional and emotional burnout (and such a state is not always perceived as serious and requiring attention, because one cannot relax, too much needs to be kept under control, and any rest causes anxiety due to lost opportunities and feelings of guilt). Psychological help is primarily perceived by them as a way to increase functionality, and then helps in restoring and finding one's own meaning, regardless of the opinions of all those who "must be obeyed".
Zoomers (generation Z) are born from 1997 to 2012. These people grew up in different conditions — they no longer had oranges only for the New Year, as it was for Ukrainian millennials, for them this fruit is available all year round. This is the first generation that has known since childhood what the Internet, smartphones, and online communication are. The world of zoomers is broader and more accessible. In their parents' families, most already understand that forcing a child to eat when they don't want to, putting them in a corner, hitting them for disobedience or mistakes is violence and should not be tolerated. They grow up with greater self-esteem and self-reliance. Therefore, it is easier for the zoomer generation to defend personal boundaries, focusing on their own values and comfort. For them, a profession no longer defines a person, the main goal is flexibility in life (as an example, the idea that it is not necessary to have your own apartment appears, you can live in a rented one and move around the world without being tied to a place; it is not necessary to have a permanent profession, you can also change it as soon as the need arises, it is not necessary to get married and have children — there is a right to your own path, despite social expectations). And at the same time, there is also a flip side, which often becomes a cause of stress. Intolerance to tension sometimes becomes a place of avoidance, as soon as the slightest pressure appears. They find a reason to abandon things that created the pressure (for example, even adequate work requirements, healthy conflicts in relationships, etc.). In addition, the stress of zoomers is associated with the digital world, information overload, high demands on themselves and social isolation. But it is for zoomers that psychotherapy has moved from the format of almost medical exclusive help to a more everyday and necessary format of self-care. Also, people of this generation are more open to technology and experiments, and accordingly, they are the ones who introduce the use of support chatbots, artificial intelligence applications, meditations, mood tracking, etc. Psychoanalytic couches are already something very old-fashioned for the world of zoomers, help should also be quick and accessible, like the world around them.
It should be noted that all of this, of course, is a generalization that gives us an idea of the conditions of development of generations, the background that influences, helps or, conversely, reduces the opportunities for a quality life. And at the same time, each individual case is individual because it has additional unique characteristics that create a personality pattern.
Psychotherapist Sofia Androsovych-Khomenko
For many millennials, identity was built around professional fulfillment, while zoomers show more flexibility, are better able to take care of themselves, but at the same time often suffer from loneliness in a world that has been digital for them almost since childhood. How do representatives of these generations differ in the context of relationships, partnerships, work, attitude towards themselves and the future?
I must admit that when I first read the topic, I felt a little irritated. I went to Google again to see what typical descriptions are given to distinguish between zoomers and millennials.
Millennials (from 1981 to 1996) were born in the pre-Internet era, are prone to workaholism and work for large companies, are nostalgic for the 90s ("Friends" and "The Office"). Instead of buying apartments, they invest in impressions, have made psychotherapy mainstream, believe in work-life balance, although they cannot keep it.
Zoomers (from 1997 to 2012) cannot live without smartphones, communicate with voice messages and short videos, value freedom, flexibility, freelance without a toxic atmosphere, are meta-ironic, protect the environment, inclusivity, and their own borders, look at the world more realistically due to constant crises.
I thought about where I would classify myself, because I have always seen myself as a millennial, although by the year of birth (1999) I am a zoomer. I remember what it was like to sit on social media at a huge computer, I adore Friends and The Sopranos, I went to therapy at 19, I definitely invest in impressions and at the same time I cannot live without a smartphone, I am sensitive to issues of borders and have been working as a freelancer since I was 18. I remembered my sister (born in 2006) and her environment and realized: despite the fact that they are all obviously zoomer, few of them are in regular therapy. Many work in companies and have difficulties with upholding boundaries and building relationships in which you can openly talk about problems and turn to couples therapists if necessary. Which again brought me back to the idea that generational theory has little meaning when we are talking not about cultural, but about personal context. This is also what Tymofii Brik (sociologist and rector of KSE) says in his recent interview. He says that while people of the same generation have a common cultural background, which works great for marketers in their desire to stimulate nostalgia, we tend to use these labels in personal relationships, and therefore we oversimplify. A colleague refuses to work on weekends because he is a lazy, selfish zoomer, and a friend is having a hard time going through a breakup because she is a vulnerable millennial who has not yet learned to value herself. Tymofii also shares another idea that I came across in one of the French media outlets that was analyzing this topic: perhaps in order to understand another generation, you need to “grow old” and move to a different age group. Perhaps our parents, being young, were impudent and deprived of many responsibilities, would understand us today better, and we will understand them when we get older.
In any case, I would like to repeat a rather banal idea for a therapist, but no less warm for that: each person is much, much bigger than any label that they try to assign to them — this is what makes our profession interesting.
Psychotherapist Vita Stelmakh
Zoomers grew up in an era of destigmatization of mental health help and often use rather professional terminology, while millennials had to "fight their way" through the consequences of conservative upbringing and growing up in the 90s. How does this different background affect therapy? Could the excessive awareness of the zoomer generation (for example, self-diagnosis or too free use of the words "narcissist", "gaslighting", etc.) become a problem, not an advantage?
In my practice, I have not encountered such a difference between generations. Perhaps my colleagues have different experiences. Indeed, zoomers, as a generation, have a greater mastery of professional terminology in the context of mental health, but millennials are not far behind. They are also interested in the topic of mental health and have the terminology, perhaps less widely. Although it is not necessary to have a deep interest in the topic, you can simply have access to social media and come across these terms in your feed. Those who are interested and understand the topic somewhat, therefore have the appropriate vocabulary, are more likely to come to therapy.
Indeed, clients may designate themselves or their loved ones as “narcissists” etc. And there is a certain complexity here, because it sounds like something definite, like a diagnosis — and behind this verdict you cannot see the person, their feelings, difficulties and suffering. Therefore, I help people deconstruct these definitions — divide them into components, describe them phenomenologically and as simply as possible. In this process, the person appears, not the stigma of “narcissist”. In the process of therapy, people slowly learn to move away from diagnosticity and begin to form an interest in who they are beyond the definitions.
If we talk about the difference, then more often (not always) millennials may downplay the severity of symptoms, for example, not believing that they have depression, when all the symptoms are present. While zoomers are more likely to label sadness or grief as depression, even when this states occur in their normal manifestation. Therefore, in our work it is important to explore the complexities, and not fix on diagnoses.
Psychotherapist Alla Lipovets
It seems to me that the division of generations by year is, of course, very conditional, because the circumstances of growth, the family system are more important than a specific year of birth. And yet, as a psychotherapist, I feel a certain difference in the dynamics of therapy with younger and older generations.
All clients come with their pain, and most are ready to work. But the way of approaching is slightly different, the articulation of the problems is slightly different, the "before", when they started to seek help, is slightly different. Of course, my observations are very subjective, because this is what I notice in my practice, and this may be due not only to the difference in the age of clients, but also to what kind of clients come to me.
But here is what I notice.
The younger generation (zoomers) often looks for a specialist of about their age — a peer, someone who will be perceived as an equal and, perhaps, will understand better. There is a feeling that these people are looking for a figure who will not be judging, but not a "good mother". Not a vertical figure at all.
I think it’s easier for them to seek help because psychotherapy itself is much less stigmatized in their generation. But at the same time, they are more meticulous in choosing a specialist. While older generations often come on the principle of “if you come, then you work,” the zoomers look more closely at the contact, work style, sense of security, and leave more quickly if they realize that it doesn’t suit them. For them, a psychologist is not an exceptional specialist who they only come to in a deep crisis, but rather one of the support resources along with friends, relationships, and digital services.
Usually, zoomers are more informed about their problems and come to a specialist with fairly precise requests and names of “what’s wrong with them.” For example: “I have social anxiety,” “panic attacks,” “emotional dependency.” It's as if they first try to figure out what's wrong with them, by consulting with AI for example, and only then, if they can't solve the problem on their own, go to a psychologist. They know psychological terms well and often have ready-made explanations of what's happening to them, but the therapy itself often begins at the moment when we gradually move from terminology to the lived experience.
This way of entering a therapeutic relationship for me is both about autonomy and independence, but also about the difficulty of letting someone close and building trust. On the one hand, they don't wait until it gets really bad, and come when the problem is still quite local and concerns some specific area of life. On the other hand, they enter the therapeutic relationship as if with one foot and often end the therapy when their issues get a little easier.
I don’t want to make any global conclusions about readiness or unreadiness for serious work, because these people come with a request for specific skills or a narrow topic, and not for deep work, so perhaps it’s a question of the relevance of certain issues in their lives. At least in my practice, therapeutic work “in the long term” — more than half a year or a year — is more of an exception among younger clients.
Millennials, it seems to me, are a little different. This generation tends to endure as much as possible. Deep beliefs like “I have to be strong” or “I have to cope on my own” usually have a strong influence. Therefore, millennials more often come to therapy when they really can’t take it anymore, and this usually happens quite late. For them, turning to a psychologist is often associated with crises and deep personal work on exploring their life scenarios, understanding their childhood experiences, and searching for identity.
From my observations, they are more likely to look for a specialist older than themselves, someone with more experience, whom they can rely on. If zoomers seem to check the therapist for humanity and safety of contact, millennials are more likely to look for competence, experience and professional authority. Of course, both are important for everyone, but the point of entry into therapy is slightly different.
It also seems to me that millennials stay in therapy longer, even when it becomes difficult or unpleasant. Partly because they are generally used to enduring discomfort longer. Partly because the very fact of seeking help is often a very serious step for them.
And at the same time, behind all these differences lies the same need — to be seen, to accommodate their experiences, to understand themselves better, to make their lives more comfortable. They simply come at different stages in their lives, and for many zoomers, therapy is one of the available resources of support that they can turn to and walk away from. And for many millennials, therapy is often a place where they first have the opportunity to slow down and not cope. Perhaps that is why they enter these relationships so differently, but ultimately look for very similar things in them.
