Starting from the New Year, on Monday, on the first of the month, after a Birthday… — even when we understand that "magic dates" cannot change our lives, we still plan and hope, making promises to ourselves. How does this "blank slate" effect work? Is it normal not to plan anything at all? And how do we find our bearings in the current reality, which seems to make any planning impossible? We asked the psychotherapists at Treatfield.
Why does our brain succumb so easily to the "blank slate" effect and the "magic of a new period"? How can we explain from a psychological perspective why we feel the desire and, most importantly, the belief that we will succeed in starting a new life from the New Year, from the first of the month, or from Monday?
Who among us hasn't planned a new life starting from the New Year, after a vacation, or from Monday? Every time, we sincerely believe that this time it will definitely work! This is because our brain loves structure and symbolism, so "Monday" or "January 1st" are not just dates on a calendar to it, but powerful psychological tools.
Wharton School professor and behavioral researcher Katy Milkman studied this phenomenon in detail and defined it as the "Fresh Start Effect" — the tendency for people to feel an increased drive toward their goals against the backdrop of certain temporal landmarks, such as a new year, a birthday, a new month, or a new week.
- These temporal landmarks stand out from the flow of time and are perceived by our psyche as "blank slates" that increase our motivation for change and seemingly separate us from past failures. This separation occurs because we perceive time and our lives not as a continuous stream, but rather as a book with many chapters.
- This division leads to what is known as an identity gap. That is, we perceive ourselves in the past period of time as the "Past Self," and in the future as the "New Self." As a result, we tend to attribute all mistakes and failures to the "Past Self," while the "New Self" appears perfect and unburdened by old habits. This creates an illusion that this time there will be no obstacles to change.
- Cognitive simplification. Our brain seeks to save energy, and the idea of "starting everything from a clean slate" is a very simple and attractive mental model. Instead of analyzing the complex reasons why we didn't exercise before, the brain offers an easy solution: "A different period has simply begun; now everything will be different." This gives an instant burst of dopamine, and we feel satisfaction even before we have actually done anything.
- Belief in the "magic of a new period" works like a psychological placebo. Since society collectively supports the idea of New Year's resolutions, we feel social support and uplift. This belief lowers the level of anxiety regarding the unknown and provides an initial impulse of energy.
- Optimism Bias. People tend to overestimate the likelihood of positive events and underestimate the complexity of change. When we plan from Monday, we are in a state of "cold cognition" — we are calm and rational. We forget that on Monday we will be in a "hot state": tired, hungry, or stressed.
- Studies have shown that people actually exercise more often at the beginning of a new week, month, or year.
Such a temporary boost in motivation can indeed work well for certain one-time actions. It is more difficult with goals that require consistency or regular repetition.
What is the problem?
- Firstly, a blank slate is an illusion, because our brain with all its neural connections and triggers "moves" into the new period along with us.
- As soon as the first "lapse" in the plan occurs (for example, a missed workout or an extra pastry after dinner), there is a risk that another effect will kick in: the "What-the-Hell Effect." We feel that our slate is already "stained" and we quit the endeavor until the next temporal landmark.
In her book "How to Change," Katy Milkman writes in more detail about the blank slate effect and how it can be used to your advantage.
- For example, you can do so-called "micro-starts": don't wait for Monday or the New Year after the first slip-up, but make a fresh start the very next hour.
- Do not plan too ambitiously, but start with small steps: this way we habituate our brain to changes gradually, and it doesn't get "scared" by radical and fast changes.
- Combine new actions with old rituals: a new habit sticks more easily when it is "layered" onto an already existing routine, rather than arising in the vacuum of a "new life" (for example, doing a warm-up while the tea is brewing or going for a walk while listening to your favorite podcast).
Is it normal not to have a list of goals and plans? How do we avoid succumbing to the "pressure of success" on social media and understand that leaving everything as it is can also be a healthy choice?
The modern world and its pace seem to push harder every year. Lists of what "must be achieved" by 20, 30, or 40 grow exponentially. As a therapist, I increasingly hear from young people that their lives are wasted, that they have achieved nothing and will never catch up with those around them. This is frightening, because life is here and now, not just in plans for the coming year. We live in a reality where speed has become a value, and stopping is filled with guilt and shame. Comparisons, others' successes, social expectations, the demand to "be better" — all this creates a sense of a constant race. In this race, it is easy to lose contact with yourself, to stop understanding what you truly want, and to start living by others' landmarks. To avoid falling under general pressure and getting lost in others' goals and dreams, I recommend asking yourself the following questions: What will I gain if these plans actually come true? What is my true need behind them? Is it about recognition, safety, love, stability, or perhaps a desire to meet someone's expectations? What will happen if I don't realize my plans? What feelings will I have to encounter? Perhaps it will be shame, guilt toward someone, or even relief? And whose feelings are they really — mine or imposed from the outside? Do I have enough resources to realize these plans — time, energy, funds — and am I accounting for my own limitations and external circumstances, such as the war or my health status? It is important to understand that knowing your limitations is not about weakness, but about responsibility and a humane attitude toward yourself. Is everything on this list truly mine, and not imposed by family, friends, or trends? Sometimes it is quite difficult to tell yourself whether I sincerely want something and whether the set plans align with my true "self" and my values.
And one more important question: who am I without these plans? Am I enough for myself — here and now? We often tie our value to achievements: work, status, realized goals, but a human being is much more than a list of completed items. We are our experience, feelings, intimacy, the ability to live life, not just plan it. Sometimes it’s worth allowing yourself to move slower. Not because it "doesn't work faster," but because that is what is right for you now. Give yourself time for doubt, for rest, for a change of direction. Perceive this not as a setback, but as a way to remain alive in your own life, because it doesn't begin when all the items are checked off; it happens every day: in conversations, in simple joys, in the choices we make for ourselves. And perhaps the most important thing is not to catch up with someone, but not to lose yourself along the way.
Why do most promises made to oneself on January 1st or on the eve of a Birthday "shatter" against reality within just a few weeks? What typical mistakes do we make when we try to sharply change our life and "start over"?
Research shows that, in general, people tend to tie their intentions to achieve set goals to various calendar landmarks (the first day of the month or week, a birthday, a major holiday, the start of a school semester/vacation, etc.). These "calendar promises" occur throughout the year.
Why so? Because our psyche is oriented toward temporal rhythms (day, week, month, year), and the start of any new cycle creates a "fresh start effect." In many religions that laid the foundation for modern culture, there is this phenomenon tied to major holidays — in one way or another, they convey the idea that we can be "born again," symbolically "resurrected," or "purified" through confession, etc.
Psychologically, this is linked to the fact that our psyche strives to maintain a stable structure, particularly the stability of our self-image. If I am "someone who smokes / someone who wants to quit smoking," then this becomes a deeply habitual element of the self-portrait. And to transition to a renewed identity (I am "someone who quit smoking / someone who doesn't smoke"), a restructuring is needed not only of the literal habit itself (changing daily rituals, domestic automatisms, etc.), but also a restructuring of identity. To "rewrite" one's self-portrait, a lot of resources are needed, and the calendar "transition," the beginning of a new cycle, becomes another way to support oneself in rejecting the "old Self" and moving to the new one.
But for the "new Self" to work, it is not enough to merely declare intentions in a festive setting. Each individual with their life is a complex multidimensional system. And for changes to work in the system, restructurings are needed at many levels:
- behavioral (specific actions),
- emotional (affect regulation),
- identity level (who I consider myself to be),
- environmental (context, schedule, resources),
- neurobiological (exhaustion, stress accumulation).
This can be compared to reforms in a country — a ceremonial declaration of a new course is important, but the subsequent persistent work on implementing reforms is certainly no less important. This is usually where the reasons why promises do not turn into reality lie.
According to my clinical observations, people generally tend to overestimate willpower and the effect of a "surge" and underestimate mundane domestic difficulties, the mechanisms of the psyche's operation, and the importance of systemic restructuring.
Many studies describe the "technologies" of successful holiday resolutions. Some research literally shows that "with a positive formulation, people achieve their promises in 56% of cases, while with a negative formulation — in 47% of cases." In my view, by focusing on such details, we risk moving away from a much more important question — how does the part of the system we want to change actually work?
Let's look at the most common vows: statistically, these are promises to exercise, change eating habits, "self-development" in one form or another, and less frequently — other life settings.
Overall, this is a wonderful trend: people want to take more care of their health, longevity, and quality of life. What could go wrong that these vows won't work?
Take, for example, a resolution regarding eating behavior, such as "I want to eat less sweets." How balanced is your diet in principle? Do you know what constitutes sufficiently nutritious food for your body at your age with your health status? Are there enough carbohydrates in your diet? Do you have access to stores with alternative products that are tasty and fresh? In general, what is tasty to you and what isn't? Is there time in your daily schedule to cook enough for yourself, or are you planning to use willpower to stay in a state of deficit, which sooner or later leads to "dietary swings" (when we start overeating after food restriction) or to an exacerbation of an ED? Do you have a habit of soothing emotional needs with sweets, and if so, do you have truly effective ways to "extract" pleasant emotions and make yourself feel physically good? Do you plan to simply "endure" discomfort (then for how long, and where will you get the extra strength for this)? Do you possess self-support skills that will help you pass a certain level of frustration when the new habit is just forming? (Just in case: "pull yourself together, you wimp" is not self-support, it is self-aggression).
That is, when on the 1st or on Monday you actually change something in your eating behavior — it is only the tip of the iceberg. Deeper down, processes related to the regulation of anxiety or loneliness, compensation for emotional deficits, self-soothing, and reactions to social introjects related to the body and appearance are occurring.
Changes in physical activity depend on how much the person is in contact with their physicality. For example, "I want to go to the gym from Monday": great, but is there enough time in your schedule (not only for the workout itself, but also for travel, changing, preparing things, corresponding changes in nutrition, etc.)? Is this time free during the part of the day when your body derives pleasure from training? Do you distinguish well between your signals of vigor and fatigue: emotional, cognitive, social, physical; situational and accumulated? Are the workouts selected — intensity, load, type — according to the state of the body and the loads that the nervous system endures daily? What type of movement brings you pleasure? How does your body react to sudden strong stress — and how do you need to adapt your training practice according to these stresses (relatively: if you are in Ukraine, your physical activity will be influenced at least by air raids, explosions, power outages, etc.).
Under the conditions of war, the nervous system lives in a mode of increased allostatic load (this term refers to the "wear and tear" of the organism due to the accumulation of effects of prolonged or repeated stress). In such conditions, the system strives for stability, not reforms. The "Ministry of Internal Resources" may declare a default if reforms are carried out without considering the budget (strength).
When I write these questions, I don't mean that life changes should be postponed until the moment of complete study of the topic or a spherical situation in a vacuum where you have maximum resources (for Ukrainians now, this is a complete utopia). But in my opinion, studying both yourself and certain patterns of our psyche and biology significantly increases your chances that the desired changes will actually happen.
Therefore, remember that an unfulfilled resolution is not a failure, but a signal that the change requires more study, resource, alignment with identity, and respect for your real life conditions. In this sense, even the most mundane New Year's promise or "spring plan" can become an invitation to deep psychotherapeutic work — not from the point of "how to force myself," but from the point of "where does the resistance come from — and what does this say about me and my life."
How do we adapt our expectations and goals to the conditions of total uncertainty caused by the war? Is it worth planning anything for a year ahead today, when nothing can be controlled or predicted, and how do we do this without adding tension to ourselves, without harming ourselves?
Around New Year's, there are always many memes on social media about expectations for the new year versus the reality, which for many turned out to be too intense; from time to time, people joke in a similar way on the eve of a Birthday. Therefore, it can be said immediately that one of our ways of coping is humor. At the same time, behind the humor, background experiences may be "hiding" that are difficult to differentiate and process in the current situation, as it requires one to maintain functionality. Sometimes the psyche postpones certain emotions for the future, when there will be appropriate conditions and resources of the organism, and enough support from the environment to experience something painful or unpleasant. And that is okay.
On top of everything, it seems even more that in the conditions of war, shelling, and unpredictability, planning anything has become impossible. Instead, many notice that total rejection of plans is depressing and intensifies helplessness. Therefore, what is correct is not rejection, but actually a change in the approach to planning, taking into account the context of the war.
Thus, "to plan" has come to mean "to be ready to adjust plans according to the current conditions, taking into account real possibilities and limitations."
We still have point A, where we are located, and point B, where we plan to end up, achieve something, or get something. There are certain steps we imagine on this path, and in modern circumstances, we must be more flexible in correcting these steps. Quite simply — it is like planning to wear something because the desire arises, while also looking at the actual weather in the morning and dressing accordingly. Or like planning a certain route by car and adjusting it to avoid traffic jams.
It is important to support yourself on this journey. Therefore, here are a few points on how to support yourself, recover, and regain a sense of control to have the strength to implement your plans:
1. We know (or will find out now) that some postponed and unconscious experiences can turn into symptoms: sleep disturbances, nightmares, physical fatigue, exhaustion, inability to focus, neurological pain, muscle spasms, headaches, etc. Therefore, it is also important not to forget to pay attention to the body, breathing, to validate experiences if they arise, to support yourself, and to take support.
2. Adhere to routine and create rituals for yourself that will be "personal meditations." Routine and rituals provide a certain grounding because they help one feel the completion of their actions. Plus, this is a certain slowing down, which is very helpful during burnout.
3. Plan for rest. Literally write it into your schedule on the same level as tasks and work.
4. Catch yourself using verbal forms and thoughts that begin with "if only." For this is the creation of a parallel reality that does not exist — and such reflections are often very exhausting. Instead, one should pay attention to what is actually happening and ask oneself the question, "What can I do now in such a situation?".
5. If anxious thoughts arise that won't leave your head, you can ask yourself, "Does this thought advance me and help me now? Or does it stop and limit me?". Often, the answer to this question helps to find needs among the thoughts that seemed illogical.
Flexible planning, self-validation, and rituals of support — this is what can help one stand firm in the situation we all live in now. Because sometimes it is precisely plans for the future that support the feeling of life and the feeling that we are moving through it on our own path.
